How Precious is Time to You?

Do you spend it wisely on those you love, including yourself or do you measure it out it in meager doses? Do you squander time on meaningless things and find you don’t have enough time leftover to do what needs to get done?

Do you spend it wisely on those you love, including yourself or do you measure it out it in meager doses? Do you squander time on meaningless things and find you don’t have enough time leftover to do what needs to get done or enjoy the quiet times?

I have often wondered how many people realize the value of time. How important time is when it is truly spent and devoted to life. How many of us have not given our undivided attention and time to those we love only to later regret it when it’s too late? How many of us would like to have our loved ones give us this time so that we can just luxuriate in their presence  and the love between us?  Time moves so swiftly that before you know it our babies are grown into adulthood. And if we did not take the time to watch them grow, to pay attention to their development,  to take interest in their lives, we will find ourselves faced with adults that may have issues with time commitments themselves.

I recently did a blog at work on time management skills.  But rather than reinvent the wheel on that topic because there are dozens of great articles about time management and organization out there, I would rather talk about investing in time. I  believe it’s like going on a diet, unless you actually decide and make the commitment to yourself that this is an important aspect of your life, nothing I say or anyone else says will matter.

You need to decide your priorities in life. You need to think if you will have regrets in life. You need to decide just how happy you want to be.

Who is important to YOU? Are they a priority in your life or are you treating them only as an option? You know they notice it whether you do or not. You are a priority! Don’t forget in the hustle and bustle of living that you are important too.

If you discover you have people in your life occupying your precious time that are not that important and are not healthy or empowering to your well being then perhaps it’s time you reconsider that relationship in your life.

Decide how much you value time and where your time is best invested in your life. Your happiness depends on this decision.

Don’t you think its TIME???

 

Being Invisible

invisible1Invisibility really sucks, whoever said they wanted it as a superpower has no idea the trouble and heartache it brings. I’ve had this superpower all my life. When I was a kid, I was the child to be seen and not heard, I was the submissive child.  This lead to the start of my “superpower”  no one noticed me. No one noticed, if I stayed outside too long or if I stayed home alone too long. I was a latch key kid back then.  No one noticed, if they hurt my feelings. I learned to never speak up, never to talk back, never to argue.  When you do that no one notices how disappointed you can be when gifts are taken back, or no one is invited to a birthday party, or no one comes to one.

As a teenager this continued, because afterall, you still live under your parents household and must obey the rules, but  I had that super power. They didn’t notice me growing bolder.  I was told not to ever wear makeup. I did.  They didn’t notice.  I was told not to date until I was 16, well, I didn’t officially date until then.  But I did have a boyfriend, just waiting for that birthday, my parents didn’t notice.  He was over 20 years old.  OH MY!

As a young adult, my power grew even stronger in good and bad ways.  I was invisible to the social crowds, no one really noticed the shy girl who didn’t speak up much, but I had dates waiting for me as soon as I got home from one, another was waiting to take me out. But these dates knew I had a voice, they knew I was not invisible to them.  They knew I knew how to say “no” and it frustrated the hell out of them. However, I really did crave to be in with the “in crowd” to go to the popular places and be with a group of people. It just never happened.  I became a loner as well as invisible.

Later marriage came for me, invisibility didn’t go away, as you might think. NO.. I seemed to become even more invisible. Ignored, forgotten birthdays, anniversaries, pleasantries, and conversations, even common courtesies.  He didn’t see how me being invisible was making me grow stronger and more independant.  He didn’t see just how strong I was when we separated. “You’ll never make it on your own.”  Guess again, sucker. I did and more than you’ll ever know.

invisibleillnessimagesInvisibility though has still been a super power of mine, even though I am still a loner and do yet yearn for a more active social life. I seem to be invisible to people I care about, because they don’t realize how important they are to me, they don’t realize I do need interaction with them. And now added to this superpower of invisibility, is the most super of all invisibility, the invisible illness that plagues me. Fibromyalgia and celiac.  Aren’t we just increasing in power, actually however, although all of this may seem to be the downside of invisibility.  It has also been what has given me strength to become who I am today.I am stronger, I have researched my illness, I have taken steps to overcome and live with passion. I honestly believe that a person never truly knows what they are capable of doing until they go through crisis and trial. It’s like creating that sword with fire. I have turned out to have a very sharp side to me.

The upside to being invisible at my age now, 67.  Well, let me say this.  No one, ever expects me to have the love life I have, I’m very “innocent” you see, that’s invisible.  No one, expects me to have the energy I have and I surprise everyone with the stamina and determination I have to succeed and accomplish what I need to accomplish in life.   No one sees the old lady traveling by herself, so they leave me alone to enjoy the sights, sounds , food and people watching .

Invisibility? Actually, it’s not a power I’d ask for, I’m learning to become more visible with age and wisdom. It hasn’t been an easy journey and I think I will probably always struggle with it.  I can imagine two things happening as I get older.  Either I will become totally invisible to everyone, if I give in to the depression and the melancholy or I am going to be one hell of an outrageous old lady who doesn’t give a damn what I say.  Personally, I’m striving to be the latter, because after all, who cares, I’m an old lady. I’m entitled. 

 

 

 

Disappointment? Temper Tantrum or Creative Opportunity?

I think you should acknowledge your emotions, you shouldn’t hold them in. But let’s consider some constructive methods to deal with disappointment.

fuckthisshit400Yes. that’s exactly what I say!  I go through a few stages.  First I’m brokenhearted something doesn’t work out the way I would like, then I’m angry that I don’t get my way, (kind of selfish and brat-tish, isn’t it).  I think you should acknowledge your emotions, you shouldn’t hold them in.  Of course, I do this all privately, in the privacy of my own home alone, or in my car as I drive away from a situation.

Really, most of the time, the situation is something you can’t control and / or the person doesn’t even realize that they have disappointed you.  If its something that you really looked forward to I do think you can respectfully tell the person who cancelled on you that you’re disappointed and hope that maybe you can do it another time.  Or if it’s a situation that doesn’t work out that is beyond your control,  maybe it just wasn’t a good time, or just not meant to be.  Nevertheless, the sting is still there, isn’t it? So what do I do, after I acknowledge my emotions?

thGTKM6LJGI say “Fuck it” , not about the person, place or thing, but to the emotion, forget the emotions and get BUSY! .  Get over it! Decide to do something.  With me, I write or I paint, I’m not great. but I’ll grab my brushes and paint a birdhouse from the local hobby store.  hmm… I have a lot of birdhouses      I might decide to take myself out for breakfast or dinner.  I treat myself.  I might go for a manipedi.   I might even go to the park with the puppy.  Anything to stay busy and take my mind off the situation that made me unhappy.

For some that are a little more athletic than me, a good run or walk puts them in the zone and gets them out of their head. Many of my friends and family run, they run for miles. They become energized and seem to be happier people because of this activity.

Hobbies like painting, crocheting, knitting, photography anything that involves your hands or concentration are great.  It also is meditative, you concentrate on creation. In the end, instead of sitting in a stew, I’ve gotten out, enjoyed the weather, calmed down, considered all sides of the situation.  Realized that I was being selfish and probably having a mini-tantrum in my head.   I’ve also created some pretty cool things, a bird house fence, a painted rocking chair for my grandchildren, or a castle doll house and some great art.

Oh, I also have an adult swearing color book, that I color, so if you don’t paint, you might consider this. This occupies my mind a lot and makes me giggle at the same time. I get mine on Amazon.  I have several now.  That’s where I got today’s image.

 

Psychic Vampires

Have you ever met or had a friend that was never happy?Have you had those people in your life, that even though they say they are your friends, or husbands, or wives, that say they love you, but always want to improve you?Are you one of those people? Do you catch yourself wanting to change others?

I may be bi-polar and have my bouts of depression and I admit when I do those times are terrible, I want to curl up and hide from the world. However, after all these years, I know that it is temporary, that there is light and there can be happiness around the corner waiting for me. I know I create my own happiness, I can’t depend on someone else to create my happiness for me. I write to express my feelings, my fears, and my joy. I travel to discover new people and have new experiences, this creates a tremendous amount of happiness in my life. Yes, the thrill of adventure lives deep in my soul.
WP_20141027_011But have you ever met or had a friend that was never happy? They may claim it, but you never saw that smile that goes to their eyes, you never really heard them laugh. All they did was complain about the drama that was constantly in their life, how people expected too much of them. How they were disappointed in themselves? This is what is known as the victim psychic vampire. They see the world, not through the eyes of truth, but “pity me”. It can be very draining and saddening when this is someone you care about.

Have you had these people in your life that never have enough time to even have a good time, but plenty of time to waste? But don’t mind imposing on your time or not respecting your boundaries?

Have you had those people in your life, that even though they say they are your friends, or husbands, or wives, that say they love you, but always want to improve you, think that you could change for the better? Are you one of those people? Do you catch yourself wanting to change others? Sometimes it’s difficult to distinguish between listening and wanting to control.  This is the controlling psychic vampire. They often make you feel small and make you feel like your emotions and thoughts aren’t worth anything or aren’t important.

WP_20141027_010These toxic friends or psychic vampires can suck the energy and life right out of me. I’ve been told sometimes, I’m too trusting or too nice. Sometimes, I have too much empathy for this person. Sometimes, they can even trigger my depression. I really have to watch myself around these people. I need to know when to start building the walls, when to tell myself don’t fall in love or get too close, when to let go, when to just observe, and let them make their own mistakes.

What I try to do, and I know sometimes, when I’m in a depression, I am not the best example, but every other time, I try to be the best example of the person at peace with themselves, content in the world around me, who has failed and succeeded, overcoming all challenges. I try to pull them into my world of peace instead of being pulled into their world of drama. I am upfront with these types of people when I feel that they are overstepping boundaries, I am firm when I request reciprocal behaviors that are common courtesy.

I want to continue the friendship if possible, because I know that perhaps, they don’t want to stay where they are, they just don’t know how to climb out of that hole, yet. Maybe they haven’t had this example in their lives before. I give them the opportunity to see what is possible and take the chance for happiness offered. Only they however, can do it. I can’t do it for them.

Before I really understood my depression, I had to totally cut out toxic people, cut out negative people in my life. They were a detriment to my psyche. I really couldn’t handle them. I have grown and I am learning now to observe. I am learning now to accept these people for their flaws.

However, I do NOT have to let them influence me or my moods. I remember when these controlling psychic vampires try to damage my intelligence or ego that this negativity is coming from them. It’s their way of control, it is not TRUE! I do not need to take it personally, it is not me!

I do need to add more positive people in my life to offset them however, and stay at peace with myself. I can still care for these people, but I do now step away somewhat. If I find that the relationship has become one-sided all the time, that they are constantly crossing the boundaries that I have set, or taking advantage of my good nature. I re-evaluate this “friendship”. Is it worth my well-being? If they have not taken to heart my requests, or have ignored my boundaries, then it’s time for me to go away, not just step away.

Remember, only you can determine your happiness, I determine my happiness, these people don’t want to be happy.

We need to focus ourselves on maintaining a level of serenity in our lives, not chaos.

Turning Your Dreams into Reality

Keeping ourselves motivated can be difficult, especially during what may seem the dark times, the difficult times, times when everything seems to be going wrong. It’s at this time we need to realize that motivation is not something we can rely on someone else giving us. We are in control of our motivation.

For over twenty years that was my byline for my freelance web design, Netdancer Design, “Turning Your Dreams into Reality”. I’ve always strived not only to turn my client’s dreams of their business into a reality, their non-profit dreams into a reality but to also make my dreams a reality. Opportunities are always out there, we just have to keep our options open as well as our minds and hearts. Doing this we can live that life we dream about without limits.

However, occasionally keeping ourselves motivated can be difficult, especially during what may seem the dark times, the difficult times, times when everything seems to be going wrong. It’s at this time we need to realize that motivation is not something we can rely on someone else giving us. We are in control of our motivation. It’s not all that mysterious, it’s not something that is that difficult if the goal in mind is something you truly want or are passionate about.

I’ve found some steps that have helped me when I’m having difficulties staying motivated, maybe you can use some of these practices to help you as well.

Keeping my energy up or keeping my confidence in myself high.

  • I remind myself of my goals
  • I keep track of those smaller steps and check them off as I achieve them. I make realistic goals.
  • When I achieve these goals, I reward myself. It doesn’t have to be a huge reward. But even as a child I enjoyed the praise of my teachers and the gold star on my papers. I know I need the praise and the positive stroking. If no one else will do it for me, I do it for myself. Do it for yourself too, you deserve it!
  • Keep these checkpoints in a journal, doing this helps you look back on your progress and you can see just how far you have come. Just how much you have achieved. 

Give yourself a break now and then.

Just as batteries run out of juice, so do you. You can’t run on full speed all the time. I find that when I can’t solve a problem or have been at a goal for a while and haven’t achieved it yet, whether it’s a fitness goal or a work goal, taking a break from that task is exactly what I need. When I come back to it with renewed energy and new eyes, I see the task or goal from a new perspective and it seems to solve itself and achieving it becomes much easier.

Don’t beat yourself up

LIVING-350If you don’t succeed the first time or even the second or third. Everyone fails sometimes. That’s the only way we learn. Whether it’s learning how to paint, write, do HTML, teach, love; we all fail, none of us are perfect. We don’t always get it right the first time. Don’t dwell on your failures. I know, most of the time, we are much harder on ourselves than anyone else, I also know, if you’re an artist, a musician or any other creative person, I can guarantee you that most people won’t even know if you made a mistake or an error. After all, you ARE an artist.

Read, watch and listen to inspiration

Sometimes, when it seems like I’m stuck,  I read or listen to a good inspirational book, like “Becoming Magic” by Genevieve Davis or “The Code of the Extraordinary Mind” by Vishan Lakhiani, is like a kick in the butt for me, a wakeup call. Everyone, including me, needs a pep talk, someone who has done or been through what you are going through and accomplished great things. I also try to keep inspirational affirmations and quotes around me all the time. On my mirrors, on my Instagram, on my Facebook page. It just helps remind me what I’m striving for.

And because we are reminded what we are striving for, we can beat the last thing that all of us fight on a daily basis…

Procrastination

Struggling with this is something I deal with frequently. I have to eliminate the distractions that might cause it, turn off the TV, delete the game off the computer, move my workspace someplace else, where I’m not disturbed, where I’m more at peace, where I can actually think.

I keep myself accountable. I am the only one responsible for achieving my goals, no one else is going to do this for me, no one else is going to help me achieve success. It’s all up to me. If I want that happiness, I’m the only one that can achieve it, no one else can give it to me. I have to ACT and ACHIEVE.

After all, my main dream in life is to live life with passion, to do that, I need to strive for success in whatever I do, I won’t be happy unless I do. What makes you happy, what is your dream?

The Sky is Not Falling, Chicken Little

When you let your worries go, your anxiety go, and you take that deep breath. You realize that the sky is not falling and you can move on. You realize there are some adventures to be had, some friendships to be made and your life becomes richer, just because you became mindful.

chickenlittle200I experienced my first panic attack in April this year, my first full blown panic attack the first day I was in Paris,  I had just overpaid an gypsy taxi driver way more than I should have, he practically robbed me, it could have been much worse than it was. I was so naïve.  I had just arrived in a strange city, didn’t know the language, already anxious and tired. I arrived at my very small apartment and the landlord told me exactly how much I should have paid the taxi driver.  I felt so bad.  That gypsy had taken almost all of my cash! How could I have been so stupid!  I looked around my small one room flat and felt like I had arrived at Cinderella’s attic.  I was devastated to tell the truth and I was going to be here two weeks!  I wanted to turn around and go home right then and there. It was only 10:00 AM, I was exhausted and I broke down.  I cried uncontrollably. Not just little sniffles either.  I cried for hours, all night long.  Made myself sick, texted my friends at home and told them I wanted to come home. I was all alone, no shoulders to cry on, I was miserable.

But, my friends said, “okay, when is the next flight?” and the reasonable side of me surfaced.  I spent this much money to go home?  I don’t think so.  I hate wasting money.  I may be miserable right now, but I was going to see Paris, whether I liked it or not.  Yes, I talk to myself, I talk myself into many things. I used to talk myself out of many things as well and missed out on a lot.

I’ve discovered we do that don’t we?  We talk ourselves out of a lot of joy, adventure, and even friendships. Most of the time we do this because of worry and anxiety. We have let worry and anxiety get in the way of happiness and sometimes we even create larger health problems by excessive worry.

caveman-and-lion250It’s normal for us to have anxiety when we are faced with the stress of something new happening to us or an upcoming situation. For example, a job interview or having to speak in front of a crowd, or even going on a first date with someone new.  Or in my case traveling to a new country alone.  You can worry if you are prepared enough for these events, or if you have forgotten anything.  But excessive worry and anxiety can be a trigger for other problems.  The caveman, “fight or flight” response is triggered and releases chemicals in our body that causes difficulty swallowing, dizziness, dry mouth, that fast heartbeat, headaches, irritability, nausea, and many symptoms that we experience.

I know it’s difficult sometimes to stop worrying.  The last thing you need is someone to say stop worrying about that.  Of course when you hear it, you don’t stop thinking about whatever it is that is worrying you.  I’ve spoken about mindfulness and meditation before.  When we learn to focus our attention on mindfulness we become aware of the present, of the moment, not the past or the future.  We relax and in doing so our body breaks that fight or flight cycle. The chemicals that are released during that anxiety state are decreased.  We calm down.

Mindfulness and meditation take practice, so if you find that if your mind keeps wandering back to that worry, examine if the problem is solvable or not. If it’s solvable, think of probable solutions, if it is not. Then it’s not worth your worry.  You let it go like a cloud. You can’t do anything about it. You need to release it. You can acknowledge your feelings, acknowledge that it makes you uncomfortable, but observe it like you would from a friend’s perspective.  How would you help your friend through this?  You are your best friend.

When you let your worries go, your anxiety go, and you take that deep breath.  You realize that the sky is not falling and you can move on.  You realize there are some adventures to be had, some friendships to be made and your life becomes richer, just because you became mindful.

20160411_Paris250Oh, and by the way, Paris offered me a wonderful experience, I met many new friends, tasted great food, learned the subway system (that scared me to death at first), shopped, and saw every sight there was to see.  I met a pen pal I have had since I was 9 years old and even though we spoke different languages, we communicated perfectly with a translator app and had a great time. By the time I left Paris, I was navigating that city like it was home.

Sunday’s Musings about Possible Historical Bloggers

Join me and Let’s imagine what history could tell us if they could be here and blog for us. Who would you like to see blogging now?

I’m sitting here , thinking about how much technology has changed since I was younger, it has grown by leaps and bounds.  I remember my parents getting one of the first televisions  – only 3 channels that you had to get up change the channels, I remember the excitement when it finally came into color.  I remember the first microwave coming into our house.  My mom only used it to heat a cup of water. But it totally amazed her.  I’ve always been a techno geek, always the first in line to get the latest techno toy.  I know I had the first CD player in my group of friends, I was the first to play online role playing games among my friends and now I’m blogging.   But all this makes me think of the historical figures who really would enjoy this communication medium.

It’s Sunday, a day of rest, a day to be grateful. yes I am I live in this day of technology and communication; that I can express how I feel to an audience like you.  Let’s imagine what history could tell us if they could be here and blog for us.

Wouldn’t Benjamin Franklin, just love expounding his philosophy here.  His “Common Sense” in blog format.

“Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing.” ― Benjamin Franklin

“Many people die at twenty five and aren’t buried until they are seventy five.” ― Benjamin Franklin

“Hide not your talents, they for use were made, What’s a sundial in the shade?― Benjamin Franklin

Can you imagine, Mr. Albert Einstein‘s blog?

Albert Einstein“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.”
Albert Einstein

“If you can’t explain it to a six year old, you don’t understand it yourself.”
Albert Einstein

“A clever person solves a problem. A wise person avoids it.”
Albert Einstein

Personally I would have loved to read Cleopatra’s blog, I think a woman ruler of her time, dealing with the men and politics of her time would be very enlightening.

As one author describes her, “Her seductive power, however, did not lie in her looks […]. In reality, Cleopatra was physically unexceptional and had no political power, yet both Caesar and Antony, brave and clever men, saw none of this. What they saw was a woman who constantly transformed herself before their eyes, a one-woman spectacle.

Her dress and makeup changed from day to day, but always gave her a heightened, goddesslike appearance. Her words could be banal enough, but were spoken so sweetly that listeners would find themselves remembering not what she said but how she said it.”
Robert Greene, The Art of Seduction

quote-the-dance-is-a-poem-of-which-each-movement-is-a-word-mata-hari-52-17-88Speaking of seduction, I would have loved to hear from Mata Hari.

“I was not content at home. . . I wanted to live like a colorful butterfly in the sun.”
Mata Hari

I am a woman who enjoys herself very much; sometimes I lose, sometimes I win.-Mata Hari

Who would you like to read now? Who do you think would enjoy this medium and offer so much more than they ever had the opportunity during their lifetimes.  There are so many I can think of, but I’d really like to hear from you.  Comment and let’s hear your thoughts.