Living with an Invisible Illness

crystallinemoonlight-1000

I’ve been living with fibromyalgia, chronic migraines, diverticulitis, and recently discovered celiac disease now for over 47 years. I’ve now come to the conclusion my family is in denial or doesn’t care to know about chronic or invisible illness. My children don’t want to think that their mother could possibly be ill or old. I guess I managed to pretend pretty good. I’ve always tried to appear normal to the outside world, I had a lot to lose if I did not. I had to support my children as a single mother, I couldn’t allow my ex-husband, who thought I was a hypochondriac with my headaches,  know the pain and misery I was in for fear of losing custody of these precious children.  But my children, my parents, my family never saw the tears at night or the lack of sleep, and they cannot experience the pain I have every day. My relatives always have to be the ones with more pain, more aches more illnesses. So, I have been ignored. even forgotten. Invisible illness, unless you’re in the hospital or dying it seems, allows others to keep you off their radar of caring. It has hurt me almost as much as the illness. So, I have quit telling them, I have basically stopped talking to them at all. The interaction and the negative reactions aggravate my illness too much. It has become a matter of survival. I know what my stress triggers are. I can handle the triggers of little stresses like snowstorms, bad weather, aggravating bosses. But someone who is supposed to care and love you, who deny your illness or deny that you exist, “Loved” ones that basically don’t care to learn about my illness or think that my diet or lifestyle is “all in my head” will trigger a fibro flare that will last for months and put me bed ridden. So my isolation is self-imposed. Not wanted, but necessary.

I understand other’s  blogs about their Invisible illness and empathize with them.  I have found since I have started blogging a community here that I can relate to, that there are others out in the world like me and I’m not as alone as I truly feel at night.  I am relatively new to blogging, tonight is not a good night, the weather is changing, my eyes are blurry, fatigue has set in and I hurt all over. A migraine is creeping up on me tonight. I started blogging six months ago in the hopes that blogging would help me cope with the bipolar depression that I experience every winter season. So far, it’s not as bad as last year. Being able to sit in my rocking chair each night when I don’t  have the energy to do much more than get on my computer and share the times when I have more energy satisfies my soul.  It reminds me that this time is temporary and better times will come around.

This post started out tonight as a comment to a comrade in pain but got too verbose for a comment.  So thank you, warriorprincesscait and tlohuis for inspiring me to think tonight a little more than usual.  When I can’t think, I post my photography, which lately has been more than articles lately.  Winter is a horrible time but because of people like you and this blogging community that I’ve gotten myself involved in, it has become more bearable than in the past.

Advertisements

11 thoughts on “Living with an Invisible Illness

  1. Oh, Candace, I’m sorry to hear that you are a part of the Warriors Club. Sometimes the people we think should love and support us the most are entirely the people who don’t. I have experienced similar things with members of my family (and ALL of my friends). It is a very heartbreaking thing to go through, not to mention the fact that they are denying real and truly debilitating conditions. My heart breaks for you in reading this and I hope that you can find solace in people who truly do care about you and your medical and mental health. We all deserve someone who accepts us as we are and chooses to love us anyway, whether a friend, new or old, an online pal, significant other… if you haven’t found that, you will. There are people out there who can deal with our stuff and don’t think we are faking. I am so sorry you are suffering so much and I feel so honored to have inspired you to write this. You are truly a Warrior, and by opening up about your invisible illness, you have probably helped a group of people here on your blog as well. Stay Mighty, Warrior!
    ❤ Cait

    PS Migraines suck! So does pain. I feel you on that!

    Liked by 2 people

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s