Today is a moody day for me, limitations of fibromyalgia have once again distressed me and made me well aware that I am not as “normal “ as I often try to be. I had plans, plans to join others to march on Denver’s Capitol for the Elector’s March. Then the weather had to change, snow and below freezing weather. This is not friendly weather for those of us with this illness. Out skin literally hurts, the cold seems to go right through us to our bones and it seems we have arthritis in every joint in our bodies. It saps every ounce of energy out of us and the fatigue sets in. On top of that, our equilibrium is off anyway and I fell down while trying to clear my driveway of snow. I still try to do as much for myself as I can. Living alone does that. I don’t depend on anyone else. I’m in pain today and in a rotten mood. I know that this isn’t a bi-polar episode this time, just disappointment that I can’t do what the spirit wants to do and the body refuses to do. I know that if I proceeded to ignore the body that I would go into a flare that could possibly put me down for weeks, if not months. So, I must obey these initial signs of pain and I’m not happy about it.
The other downside to being in this terrible, winter, fibro, pain mood, is when I try to explain it to friends or why I was so excited about what I wanted to do, they don’t understand my disappointment. And frankly, I don’t feel like trying to explain anymore. Which makes my mood even worse. Moody, yes. Disappointed, yes. Reconciled to deal with this, I suppose so, but it sucks.