Yearnings

His eyes are mysterious and inviting. His smile is sexy and the words from his lips enticing and sweet.  It’s been so long.  My heart needs to hear these things, my soul yearns to believe him. Yet, I know his words are false. He says them to all the women, his testosterone is talking, not his heart. He doesn’t know himself what he really wants. He really doesn’t know himself  that well. He may have even decided that he is not ready to settle on one woman because someone better may come along.  He may have someone already in his life that he is not being faithful to, so he thinks that I am a good option for a diversion.

 

I have been alone so long, I have had so many lonely nights, so many times my body yearns to be held when I am needing the human touch and comfort.  So many times, I need to be held to feel the heart to heart beat between us that signifies the connection between two souls.  It is tempting.  The warm kisses, the tender touches that bring tingles to my skin. Yes, I could give in to the temporary pleasure  – for the brief moment in time I might feel happy. Might, being the operative word.

 

But, experience has proven, even then happiness is not found in temporary pleasure. For even during those times I know that it is only a moment in time, I am not wanted as the woman to be cherished or to be treasured. I may be desired,  but only to be used for selfish reasons, for momentary pleasure.

 

So, I say “no”,  I wait, I yearn, I pray to the universe that someday I will be blessed with that soul mate who truly desires me for me. Who wants to be part of my heart.  Or I hope to be blessed with learning to love myself enough to live this life in happiness and acceptance of the solitude.

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