Survived the Winter – Living Bi-Polar
It is almost April, and I made it through the winter without going into the depths of the darkness that I did last year. I wrote my one of my first blog articles in August about the darkness and how while I was in the state of light and clarity of that time I needed to make some concerted decisions on how to fight the depression that usually overtakes me during the time of year that brings me into such low and almost insurmountable depths of despair.
Since then, the times were made even more difficult with the political atmosphere and the state of the country. The lies that we are being constantly being bombarded with, with the hate that seems to be more normalized than ever. It’s very distressing to me. Again, I had to decide how I would not let these outside influences affect my mind, my soul, my depression. I have been fighting it tooth and nail this season, and frankly, it has worn me out. I am tired. I feel like I’ve been in a never ending battle and my energy level is bottoming out. It has started to affect my health and a visit to the ER was necessary on my birthday. But, before you say, aww, I have succeeded. I have overcome the darkness for now. The fight is not over, and I am hesitant to be so happy about even saying how good I feel about not having an episode or episodes this winter.
I believe what has really helped me this fall and winter to achieve this result are these decisions:
- Writing and contributing daily to my blogs. Netdancer Musings has evolved into my photography and travel (when I can) blog. The Platinum Dragon blog evolved into my political commentary blog after 45 was elected. My freedom blog you might call it. I try to express my frustration, my respect for others who are defending our freedom and rights, and our constitution.
- I have become an activist – I am active in political protests, I have started marching in protests (when I can) But I am active. I believe in this cause. Maybe that’s it – I have a cause to believe in – my country and democracy. I am angry and maybe it has replaced other emotions enough to overcome depression this winter.
- I also read that frankincense and myrrh aromatherapy helped to alleviate depression. I immediately did some research and purchased some laundry detergent at the local health store that I wash my clothes in. I’ve done this now ever since August. I use frankincense and myrrh room spray, hand soap and bar soap for my shower. I use frankincense and myrrh essential oils in my bath salts when I get in my hot tub. I went crazy. But, whether it’s a placebo or not. I’m doing good.
- I also read that cashew nuts were a good source of an anti-depressant chemical, similar to Prozac. I hate drugs. I am now keeping cashews in the house all the time, and snack a few every day.
- I am making an effort to pay attention to me and to not allow others in my life that upset me. Unfortunately, that has included some family members. There comes a time, when you just have to accept that others may not ever understand or even want to understand. Sometimes, you need to let go to move forward. I have tried all my life to please others, however, I did learn when I was 50 years old (because my illness got so bad) that I had to start saying “no”. But saying “no” to the family is more difficult. There is a guilt associated with it. You are supposed to always have your family’s back, always supposed to be connected, you can’t quit on your family. But, when you have reached the point in your own life and health that depends on support, on understanding, and after giving as much as you can, you need to depend on yourself for that support and understanding. Understand your own needs, understand your need for support, understand your need for positive and affirmative actions, even if you have to be alone to achieve them.
Although I have won the struggle for this last season, I know the battle continues. Right now, I need to rejuvenate, so I am looking forward to my escape from reality for awhile to Greece. I have been asked if I’m going to visit here, there and everywhere. Frankly, at this point, I am so exhausted, just staying in Athens and living like a local for the whole time may be just what I need.