I may be bi-polar and have my bouts of depression and I admit when I do those times are terrible, I want to curl up and hide from the world. However, after all, these years, I know that it is temporary, that there is light and there can be happiness around the corner waiting for me. I know I create my own happiness, I can’t depend on someone else to create my happiness for me. I write to express my feelings, my fears, and my joy. I travel to discover new people and have new experiences, this creates a tremendous amount of happiness in my life. Yes, the thrill of adventure lives deep in my soul.
But have you ever met or had a friend that was never happy? They may claim it, but you never saw that smile that goes to their eyes, you never really heard them laugh. All they did was complain about the drama that was constantly in their life, how people expected too much of them. How they were disappointed in themselves? This is what is known as the victim psychic vampire. They see the world, not through the eyes of truth, but “pity me”. It can be very draining and saddening when this is someone you care about.
Have you had these people in your life that never have enough time to even have a good time, but plenty of time to waste? But don’t mind imposing on your time or not respecting your boundaries?
Have you had those people in your life, that even though they say they are your friends, or husbands, or wives, that say they love you, but always want to improve you, think that you could change for the better? Are you one of those people? Do you catch yourself wanting to change others? Sometimes it’s difficult to distinguish between listening and wanting to control. This is the controlling psychic vampire. They often make you feel small and make you feel like your emotions and thoughts aren’t worth anything or aren’t important.
These toxic friends or psychic vampires can suck the energy and life right out of me. I’ve been told sometimes, I’m too trusting or too nice. Sometimes, I have too much empathy for this person. Sometimes, they can even trigger my depression. I really have to watch myself around these people. I need to know when to start building the walls, when to tell myself don’t fall in love or get too close, when to let go, when to just observe, and let them make their own mistakes.
What I try to do, and I know sometimes, when I’m in a depression, I am not the best example, but every other time, I try to be the best example of the person at peace with themselves, content in the world around me, who has failed and succeeded, overcoming all challenges. I try to pull them into my world of peace instead of being pulled into their world of drama. I am upfront with these types of people when I feel that they are overstepping boundaries, I am firm when I request reciprocal behaviors that are common courtesy.
I want to continue the friendship if possible, because I know that perhaps, they don’t want to stay where they are, they just don’t know how to climb out of that hole, yet. Maybe they haven’t had this example in their lives before. I give them the opportunity to see what is possible and take the chance for happiness offered. Only they, however, can do it. I can’t do it for them.
Before I really understood my depression, I had to totally cut out toxic people, cut out negative people in my life. They were a detriment to my psyche. I really couldn’t handle them. I have grown and I am learning now to observe. I am learning now to accept these people for their flaws.
However, I do NOT have to let them influence me or my moods. I remember when these controlling psychic vampires try to damage my intelligence or ego that this negativity is coming from them. It’s their way of control, it is not TRUE! I do not need to take it personally, it is not me!
I do need to add more positive people in my life to offset them, however, and stay at peace with myself. I can still care for these people, but I do now step away somewhat. If I find that the relationship has become one-sided all the time, that they are constantly crossing the boundaries that I have set, or taking advantage of my good nature. I re-evaluate this “friendship”. Is it worth my well-being? If they have not taken to heart my requests or have ignored my boundaries, then it’s time for me to go away, not just step away.
Remember, only you can determine your happiness, I determine my happiness, these people don’t want to be happy.
We need to focus ourselves on maintaining a level of serenity in our lives, not chaos.
© 2016 Candace L Stauber Photography